Interview with Aimee Tomczak
In this episode, we will uncover 3 keys:
- The magic of creativity for self-discovery.
- The strength of supportive friends.
- Embracing midlife change for personal growth.
Podcast Transcription
Episode 8: Aimee Tomczak, Psychotherapist and Creativity Coach at Awaken your Midlife Joy
Intro
Odiva Vasell: (00:00)
Hi, phenomenal fempreneurs. Get ready for your awakening. My next guest is here to tell us how you can awaken your creative porthole after the age of 45. Yes, ladies, there is understanding and awareness for us who are going through the time of life where we really need to take a moment to stop, smell the roses and ask ourselves, who am I? So please join me for this exciting interview with Amy Tomzak. Welcome, my phenomenal fempreneurs. We have some exciting news today. Aimee Tomczak is here with us, and she is going to tell us a little bit about her business and a lot about awakening your creativity in midlife so that you can be excited. A new journey, a new journey is up for you in your midlife years. So welcome, welcome, Aimee to joining us here today. Thank you so much for joining us. And I’m looking at you, and I’m seeing all the creativity and the colors in the background. I’m sure everyone watching is just loving it. And I am pretty happy that you have a program for women over 45. And I’ve hit that mark. If someone has a program for women over 50 or 55, I’m not there yet. But this is so awesome that someone is doing something for us women at this time of our lives so that we don’t have to figure it all out by ourselves, which is what I’ve been doing. So tell us a little bit about your program and let’s tell us who you are and about this program.
The magic of creativity for self-discovery.
Aimee Tomczak: (02:07)
So wonderful to be here with you, Odiva. Thank you for inviting me, and I love your enthusiasm. My name is Aimee, and I am a psychotherapist. I’ve been a psychotherapist for over 15 years, and I’m also a creativity coach and also a meditation teacher and an artist. An artist who reclaimed herself, reclaimed my painting after 20 years of not painting. And that’s part of what my midlife time helped me reawaken. And that’s what I guide women to do, women over 45, to reconnect with their creative power, their passion, their purpose, who they are now, so they can live into an amazing second chapter that is full of creativity, vitality, generativity, right, clarity. Who am I now, and how can I really step into that?
Odiva Vasell: (03:06)
That’s beautiful. That is so beautiful. And I mean, artists, it’s hard for me to draw a straight line, but I think one of the things that come about is when you start hitting the age 45, going towards 50, it does not have to be perfect. You don’t care who’s looking. You know that you want to express what’s inside of you. And that’s beautiful.
Aimee Tomczak: (03:30)
That’s absolutely right. And if we can kind of get out of our own way, so to speak right. Sometimes I say, can you just leave that inner critic at the door? The wounding that we’ve had around our creativity, whether it’s art or writing, even as children, we could have been told, oh, you’re not an artist or you’re not creative. Who do you think that’s ugly? Whatever it was. Right. And so those messages are deep and real, but we can break through them. And this is not even about being an artist. It’s about accessing. Right? What is that energy inside of you that wants to be expressed now? Whether it’s writing or cooking or creating a project, or gardening or learning something totally new right. Or reconnecting with something that you used to do that you haven’t done in a long time.
Odiva Vasell: (04:27)
Yes. And as you go through the list, I’m thinking, yes, that is something that is new, a new part of my journey in self-care. Because when we talk to some of the younger generation in their twenties and they talk about self-care, they think, okay, massage and hair and nails and all of that is great. But actually gardening, cooking that you mentioned, and my personal favorite, dancing. Yes. I couldn’t garden every day, but I used to dance in the mirror every day while I was getting dressed for work. And it was such a fun way to start the day. And then something happened between the age of, I would say 35 to 45, that things just shut down and stress got higher and responsibilities got higher and parents got older.
Aimee Tomczak: (05:25)
Absolutely.
Odiva Vasell: (05:27)
I stopped the dancing and the critic, maybe I let the critic come in and say, that’s not really good dancing. I thought, you know what? That’s not the point, and a critic doesn’t get to judge what makes me feel free.
Aimee Tomczak: (05:50)
That’s right. I love how you say that. What makes me feel free. Yeah.
Odiva Vasell: (05:57)
How did you get back on this track of exploration and creativity?
Aimee Tomczak: (06:04)
Wow. Yeah, it was hard. Just like you said, all the life stuff started coming in similar for me, 35 to 45 aging parents, relationship stress, job stress, so many changes, hormonal changes. Right. Sleep issues, insomnia, hot flashes. And so all of that was kind of encroaching. And my mom had dementia for ten years, and so I was her primary caregiver, although we did have to put her into a facility. So I was really focused on her and her needs for many years. And I just said to myself, I don’t have time for my creativity because I really felt like I didn’t. So for me, what happened was I did do some dancing, and I continued to dance through that time a little bit, some. So I love that you’re a dancer too because I think that practice is just so important and so valuable. But what happened was after she passed away, which was in 2018, I didn’t know who I was anymore. And I was really in deep grief and really just asking myself, who am I? And I couldn’t even really feel myself. I was just in this difficult grief process for a while.
Odiva Vasell: (07:32)
Who am I?
The strength of supportive friends.
Aimee Tomczak: (07:34)
Who am I now that I’m not a daughter, who’s caring for a mother who’s alive anymore, or if I’m not a mother if I don’t have children, but if my kids have grown up and they’ve left the house, who am I? Right. Who am I if I’m divorcing and I’ve lost my spouse for whatever reason at this time of life, which is fairly common, right. Who am I now? So, really important, deep question that I was asking myself. And I decided to come into a class that I saw online by a painting teacher that I’d been following for years. I had never done anything with her, and I decided, well, I’ve got a little more time now, so why not? So I joined this painting workshop and started to paint, and I got a big old canvas. It was kind of big. Big. It was like two x three or something. She’s like, “Get yourself a big canvas.
Odiva Vasell: (08:36)
Yes. Takes courage.
Aimee Tomczak: (08:39)
But she guided us through these processes, and that opened up a door that had been closed for a long time and that opened up more doors, and I ended up painting, going into a year-long training with her, with a group of women who could support me to keep rising and keep creating and keep moving through the blocks. Because there are blocks. Right.
Odiva Vasell: (09:06)
Wow.
Aimee Tomczak: (09:07)
Criticism. Who am I? I can’t do this, judging myself and just stay with it. Stay with it.
Odiva Vasell: (09:13)
I love what you said about the women supporting you. That’s a key factor, I think, at this stage of life.
Aimee Tomczak: (09:20)
Absolutely. It’s so important. And I wish I had had women supporting me before my mom passed, when I was going through. Right. And to have that support is so powerful. There’s really nothing like it.
Odiva Vasell: (09:39)
That’s amazing.
Aimee Tomczak: (09:40)
Yeah.
Odiva Vasell: (09:42)
Opening up that creativity. And you also had a background in psychotherapy. Yes. Okay. And so how did that come into play with this new journey and this new program that you’ve created?
Aimee Tomczak: (09:59)
Well, I’ve always been so appreciative of the power of creativity, whether it’s writing or painting or drawing or making a clay pot or anything that we’re creating as the vehicle to help us express what’s inside that sometimes there’s not words for.
Odiva Vasell: (10:22)
I like that. Sometimes there’s not words for.
Aimee Tomczak: (10:25)
Yeah. And I had found with some of my therapy clients that if I asked them to maybe just do a drawing of what that emotion feels like or what is the color of that emotion, could you draw it? Could you draw the quality of the energy of it? Right. Like, if it was anger or frustration or sadness, and that would open up more access for themselves to actually acknowledge the emotion and let it move through rather than just thinking about it with the mind. Right.
Odiva Vasell: (10:49)
Yeah. Mind is not always our friend.
Aimee Tomczak: (11:03)
Not always. Unfortunately. It.
Odiva Vasell: (11:09)
I’m saying it very mildly, putting it very mildly. Not always, but not always.
Aimee Tomczak: (11:15)
Sometimes. Not always. We need our mind. We love it. But.
Odiva Vasell: (11:20)
Thank you, Mind.
Aimee Tomczak: (11:21)
Yeah. That’s right.
Odiva Vasell: (11:25)
And this is a beautiful process. They’re getting it outside of themselves. They’re putting that feeling as a color or a line on a piece of paper, which is something we kind of do as kids who doodle and you just write things and there’s no rhyme or reason to it. And for some reason we get away from that as adults.
Aimee Tomczak: (11:52)
That’s right. Absolutely. We have that access as kids. We don’t feel the same inhibition. It’s so important to keep connecting to this energy without being attached to what it looks like or what the outcome is. Because we’ll get information about ourselves that we wouldn’t be able to get just by thinking.
Odiva Vasell: (12:19)
I have to say that’s really courageous, because if me saying that I’m not an artist well, I am an artist on the computer. I love technology and using apps to create but to put a big canvas on the board in front of you, it’s like, Wait a minute. If I do it this size, there’s less of a chance for you to see my mistakes. But if I do it this size, I’m opening myself up to critique and inner critic and other critics in our head, the mind come in. How was it taking that first step into almost exposure and this is what I work with women on, is getting visible, as you know, because they’re afraid of that exposure, allowing other things to come in. And judgment comes with that. How was that process for you when you first opened up?
Embracing midlife change for personal growth.
Aimee Tomczak: (13:27)
It was scary. It really was. It was an edge. Right. And my teacher would keep saying, just keep the brush moving. Right. Just or if you don’t know what to paint, just paint some dots and. Let them be prayers, right? Let them be prayers. But there was something about like, don’t stop. Because sometimes the exposure or the fear or the shame, right? Oh, my God, what are people going to think? It can just freeze us and stop us. And we may have had real wounds around that, so I’m not creating that. But to get that kind of just keep going, just keep going, and to feel that sense of, okay, I can keep going. And then the next time I do it, it’s a little bit easier. The next time I stretch myself and make that video or do that talk, it’s a little bit easier. And I think the juiciest part is what happens is that when we’re in our truth, right, when we’re in the truth of what I really feel, what I really want to express, then the self-consciousness can’t really exist in the same way.
Odiva Vasell: (14:45)
Yes. That is key. That is core. Giving away some gold mine secrets here, ladies, to you that are listening. Could you say that again, please?
Aimee Tomczak: (15:00)
When we are really in our truth, really in the authentic expression of what wants to be shared, what we know, what we feel, the self-inhibition, the self-consciousness fades away. It becomes less because that truth is coming through. And it feels good when we really can express in that way. And we have to trust it. See, we stop it, right? But we have to trust it and practice it, right? That’s why coaching and having support or having a group to practice, I’m going to practice being bigger. I’m going to practice saying this. I’m going to practice speaking my truth. That’s the gold. Right? And you know it because I know you’ve lived that too.
Odiva Vasell: (15:54)
Yes. And you’ve been to one of my master classes, and I spoke once about being this very introverted and shy kid who was asked to public speak at the age of 13, and that’s my greatest nightmare come to life. But it wasn’t an. And mom was like, okay, you’re going to present in front of my club and. And I always talk about I wanted the earth to swallow me up that day. That was trial by fire. That’s not what I want to do with my clients, though. Hey, here’s a stage you’re going to present now. But I want people to understand exactly what you said. It’s when you know that you have a mission in and it’s something that you’re really passionate about, keep that to yourself. You can try to keep that to yourself, but when you really get into the flow of it, you won’t be able to contain any longer. You will let it go and allow that expression to bless and help anybody that’s listening. And no one cares that it’s imperfect. There is no imperfect at that point. That’s right. Being you.
Aimee Tomczak: (17:16)
Yes, exactly. I love how you said that. Just let it flow. Let it come out. Just let it come out. It’s okay however it comes out, but let it, right? Yeah.
Odiva Vasell: (17:29)
Tell us more about the struggles of women as we go into these later years. 45 and over.
Reclaiming your well-being: Set boundaries, say no, and prioritize self-care.
Aimee Tomczak: (17:38)
Yeah. So a lot of the women I work with, and this is my story too, have often been overextending themselves in the service of others. And women hold the world. We carry the world, in my opinion. We know how to do that. It’s important work we love. But at some point, it can be depleting, and we can be in such a habit of that that we forget the richness and the needs that we have.
Odiva Vasell: (18:19)
Yeah. Being the giver can become an identity.
Aimee Tomczak: (18:23)
Yes.
Odiva Vasell: (18:26)
And can be in conflict of being an individual and taking care of individual needs.
Aimee Tomczak: (18:31)
Yeah, exactly. So this time of life, like you’re saying, really, we have to come up against some of these places or patterns that we’ve learned how to be, but that don’t serve us anymore. They need to transform a little bit if we’re going to keep evolving ourselves Into who we want to be in this next chapter, which we’re so lucky to have. Right. So that’s a lot of the work is whether it’s I need to be safe and hidden, I don’t want to really be seen, or whether it’s I put others’ needs over myself and I have difficulty saying no. And yet I’m so miserable in my life and I have no time for myself, and it’s like, okay, well, then what’s the first step to make a little more time for yourself? And so there’s a stretching and there’s a growing and there’s new possibilities through that. Stretching and growing.
Odiva Vasell: (19:38)
Yeah. And no judgment. I like that word, no judgment because you are taking baby steps.
Aimee Tomczak: (19:50)
Yeah.
Odiva Vasell: (19:51)
To get there.
Aimee Tomczak: (19:52)
Yeah. And sometimes we fear things that actually aren’t going to happen. Like if I say no to this person or set a boundary, I think they’re going to reject me or leave me or whatever. And sometimes, often, actually, that doesn’t happen, that maybe the person actually might say, okay, wow, that’s a little different, but I want to support you in having what you need. And sometimes the thing that we’re afraid of is going to happen may not even happen, but we have to try and see and say it in a way, with love. Like, I am working on really sustaining myself, really replenishing myself, so that my health can be back on track. So I’m going to have to say no to that today, but I still love hanging out with you, but I just can’t do that today, or whatever it is.
Odiva Vasell: (20:43)
That’s beautiful. Setting boundaries, saying no and caring for self.
Aimee Tomczak: (20:52)
Yeah. And when we do that, we can be a role model for others to do that.
Odiva Vasell: (21:01)
Yeah.
Aimee Tomczak: (21:03)
People of all genders to do that, because we could all use a little encouragement with that.
Odiva Vasell: (21:12)
Yeah, absolutely. This is beautiful that now, women of someone like you who understands the journey, not just the doctor that comes and says, you have to do this and this, or it’s someone that’s living it and through the process and. Come alongside us and guide us through that journey. So it can be not painful, but beautiful.
Aimee Tomczak: (21:44)
Yes, exactly. So that you know that I’ve been through it. I can understand this struggle right now. And let’s take the first small step and see what happens.
Odiva Vasell: (22:01)
And the artwork behind you, this gorgeous art behind you, was that inspirational, or is that created by you?
Aimee Tomczak: (22:11)
Well, two of the paintings were created by me. This one right here? Yes,
Odiva Vasell: (22:19)
that
Aimee Tomczak: (22:20)
Yeah.
Odiva Vasell: (22:21)
Wow.
Aimee Tomczak: (22:23)
Yeah.
Odiva Vasell: (22:24)
You created that. Everybody that woman of the sun, moon, earth, nature, everything inside of her yeah. Was created by Aimee. Time to get my glasses on so I can yeah.
Aimee Tomczak: (22:40)
She is called she is my rhythm. And I painted her when I was trying to find my rhythm, when I was trying to figure out what I needed next in my life. And I knew I needed to move out of the city because it was so hectic, and I’d been not really happy there for a long time. And I actually had unfortunately, I had to move out of my condo because I had a flood in it, and I had to move into a hotel and live there for about four months. I painted her partly while I was in the hotel, and she helped me remember I’m reclaiming my life. My life is for me.
Odiva Vasell: (23:26)
I can see transition in her.
Aimee Tomczak: (23:28)
Exactly.
Odiva Vasell: (23:29)
She sees that she has beautiful green eyes, and you have
Aimee Tomczak: (23:33)
yeah. They’re hazel.
Odiva Vasell: (23:39)
Definitely see the sun in her, and there’s a lot of activity, but she’s in the core. She’s strong and prominent. Have to get a picture and put that in the video later. That’s gorgeous. Tell me more about the other painting you made.
Aimee Tomczak: (23:58)
So this one here, it’s just really an expression of energy and passion and. It the elements in a way. It’s a little bit of wind and water and sun and I do some abstract work where I just kind of let it go on the page and I don’t really know what it is. I like to do spirals, but it just kind of doesn’t matter to me, really, but it’s like comes out. It just comes out of me.
Odiva Vasell: (24:33)
I see the power in this one and the energy there’s, push there’s, pull, boom, boom, boom. Right story. Also, what was going on at this time? Was it a tough time, was it a peaceful time?
Engaging with inner emotions and channeling them creatively.
Aimee Tomczak: (24:49)
Yeah, it was a little bit of a tough time. Yeah. That was a time when I was grappling with some frustration around having to be a caregiver for my mom and feeling like my life was passing me by and feeling frustrated with some of the conditions that were going on, the levels of stress, and I just kind of let myself express some of that energy. And it really helped to kind of move that in a way, move it in my body and move it on the canvas. And I did another sort of anger painting too. I’m not going to show you that right now, but right, like whatever was going on, I’m going to kind of get some paint and red paint and go for it and it doesn’t matter what it looks like. And in fact, I might paint over it later, who knows? The good thing about pain is you can paint over it. But the most important thing is, right, the connecting in and the expressing out.
Odiva Vasell: (26:00)
Going to repeat that to myself a few times. Yeah. Connecting in, expressing in and expressing out to the beautiful women listening to this, take a moment, take a breath and think about connecting in and expressing out and just recognize how much beauty you have inside you, even in the tough times.
Aimee Tomczak: (26:29)
Yeah.
Odiva Vasell: (26:30)
Don’t just sweep it under the carpet. Connecting in, express it out. Fantastic.
Aimee Tomczak: (26:48)
just feeling the richness of our conversation.
Odiva Vasell: (26:50)
Yeah, I feeling colors right now.
Aimee Tomczak: (26:55)
Yeah. What colors are you seeing?
Odiva Vasell: (26:58)
Feeling blues and yellows and other kind of green blues and some do you
Aimee Tomczak: (27:10)
do any painting? Odiva.
Odiva Vasell: (27:12)
No. But you’ve awakened something in me. What is the name of the program that you have?
Aimee Tomczak: (27:20)
Yeah, it’s Awaken Your Midlife Creative Portal.
Odiva Vasell: (27:25)
Okay.
Aimee Tomczak: (27:26)
And I work with people one on one, and I’m going to be having a group program starting as well because I think the group is so important to have that kind of support and to be with other women who really get it. I’m excited about that, and I love my work. I love supporting women in this time. It’s just a really powerful
Odiva Vasell: (27:54)
you are a butterfly. I mean, these pictures are highlighting you, but I can see the sensuality, in a sense, in your hair, in your style. It’s all opening up your creative portal, as you spoke about to me before. And I just want to thank you for giving me a baby step closer toward my portal. And to our listeners, we just thank you for yes. Moving us toward something beautiful that’s inside all of us.
Aimee Tomczak: (28:34)
You’re so very welcome. My joy. My joy and pleasure.
[music]
Conclusion
As we conclude our conversation with Aimee Tomczak, we’ve unveiled the captivating artistry that blossoms from midlife transformation. Aimee’s journey, evolving from caregiver to self-nurturer and artist, is a beacon of inspiration.
Her story reminds us to define boundaries, lean on support systems, and welcome change as a companion on this exciting journey. Picture your life as a canvas, yearning to be painted with the vibrant hues of self-discovery and growth. Just like Aimee, your midlife adventure is a treasure trove of potential, waiting for you to craft your unique masterpiece.