Interview with Berenice Brito
In this episode, we will uncover 3 keys:
- Unlocking the Depths of Sensuality
- Breaking Free from Taboos and Traumas
- Embracing Sensuality for Self-Discovery
A Podcast Transcription
Episode 45: Embrace Your True Sexual Self: Unleashing the Power of Sensual Liberation with Coach Berenice Brito!
Intro
Odiva Vasell: (00:34)
Welcome, welcome, my fabulous Fempreneurs! I am super excited about the experience that I’m bringing you to today—this knowledge of tapping into your sexuality and sensuality and just having that higher-level experience by connecting to your own body. So I am so excited to welcome here today, Berenice Brito. Welcome, welcome.
Berenice Brito: (01:11)
Thank you. It’s my pleasure to be here today talking to you guys and showing this different side of Enlightenment, showing this different side of manifestation, and doing that through connection with your body, feeding your pleasure, enjoying your sensuality, and exploring your sexuality.
Odiva Vasell: (01:35)
So I’d like to start with your story. Where did you begin on this journey?
Unlocking the Depths of Sensuality
Berenice Brito: (01:44)
Three years ago, I was very detached from reality. I was escaping into books. I love reading, and I think reading is amazing and it helped me a lot when I was feeling so burdened and so without a zest for life. I escaped into books because I would read fiction and live other experiences through the written word. When I say that I did it a lot, I mean I read 365 books in one year. I really did a lot because I didn’t really want to experience my life at that time. I took every minute that I had to be in someone else’s life, and I realized that that was not how I wanted to live. I wanted to be present. I wanted to enjoy my child, who is the love of my life and the light of my world. I wanted to be there for him, but I was so sad and so disconnected that I wasn’t able to be the mother that I wanted to be. So I got into this journey of self-knowledge, of really understanding what makes me tick, really understanding how I wanted to live life, and understanding myself. In that process, I realized that I had a lot more traumas and a lot of baggage that I was carrying around unknowingly because I had put that away, and that was really impeding me from really experiencing life. Now I’m all about experiencing the experience. We are living an earthly experience while we are here in this place, and when we can really fully take advantage of that, the expansion that we can get is amazing. I went from being disconnected, dissatisfied, sad, and hiding from life to being in bliss all the time. This is my status quo. I’m always smiling, I’m always happy, I’m always enjoying and being present in every moment, including when I’m intimate with my partner.
Odiva Vasell: (04:26)
I love that. I love what you said. The beautiful thing about it is you’re fully present, learning to be fully present in every moment, including when you’re with your partner—not just only when you’re with your partner, not just only when you’re in a relationship or you have that connection outside of yourself, but you found something truly, truly amazing and genuine within yourself.
Berenice Brito: (04:56)
Yes, and feeling that, right? Being like that makes you not need to have other people. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about people. My main driver in life is the people—the people that I allow in my world, the people that participate in my life. They are my drivers. They’re what makes me get out of bed every morning: experiencing life with them, for them, and together. But when you understand yourself and when you do self-discovery and when you can really be connected to who you are, to your essence, that is a plus. You don’t need to have other people bring you happiness. You are the happiness—they just add to it, and that’s what makes all the relationships amazing. I used to be always stressed out with my child. I used to scream at him a lot because, as moms, we get overwhelmed, and there are a lot of things going on at the same time, and that takes you off your center. Now I don’t really scream anymore. I can really have a conversation with him, explain what’s going on, what he’s doing that is not appropriate, and what is making me displeased at that moment. He understands it, and instead of saying, “Mommy’s angry again,” he will say things like, “Oh, Mommy, so this is not appropriate, right?” “Yes, baby, that’s not appropriate because of this, this, and this.” So the relationship is more of a give and take instead of just enforcing.
Odiva Vasell: (06:59)
Oh, that’s amazing! Look at how this connection to yourself has transformed the connection that you have with everyone in your life, especially the one that you love the most—your child. This is groundbreaking news because one of the things that I’ve discovered in my research about sensuality especially is that so many people think that it’s just about having an orgasm, just about the act of sex, and that act is described as, you know, bringing you and a partner, bringing yourself to the place of an orgasm. But now we have this groundbreaking awareness that you can connect with yourself on such a deeper level, and what you’re telling me is that it can be 24/7.
Berenice Brito: (08:03)
Yes, yes, yes, it can, because it’s a different way of life, right? When I take sensuality and sexuality as a portal, as a gateway for you to really be able to feel, to connect, to sense your body, to be present in the moment, and the sexual act is very important. I love having sex. I love being intimate with my partner, but the intimacy starts way before you get to the bed. Because we, as women, we are not just about the physical aspect of it. We are not just about the touch. We are not just about the five senses. We are also about our mental state when we’re engaging in intimacy, and a lot of times we are not able to enjoy it because we are worried about that dimple in our leg or because we have that fold in our belly or because we had a tough day or because work was hard today. There are many things, a number of things, that can get in the way of women really experiencing the experience, and I’m all about experiencing the experience to the fullest.
Odiva Vasell: (09:31)
Experiencing the experience to the fullest, and again, groundbreaking—the mindset piece. Tell us about where you started in your mindset, which was typical for most of us. We’re busy. There’s a lot going on in our lives, a lot of stresses and things that can block you. How did you move from that blocked space, that blocked mindset, to where you are today?
Berenice Brito: (10:02)
I started with awareness, right? Understanding, knowing, realizing that the things are there, and then I was lucky enough to find a path that brought me knowledge, that brought me techniques that really do clear up the luggage that we have. I’ve gone through the process, and like all the processes that I help my clients through, I’ve gone through them myself, so I know how effective they are, and that’s why I back them up. Some of those processes are for taking away the charge of past negative emotions. I do NLP, which helps you to go to the subconscious, to the unconscious mind, and work through that. Our conscious self is, like, if I would say from my neck up, is about 10% of who I am. 90% is your unconscious, your subconscious—that 90% is your neck down, and all your memory of everything that has ever happened to you, even if you don’t consciously remember, is still stored within your unconscious mind. It’s still stored within your body. So by clearing that, by releasing what should be released, what is in the time to be released, allows you to be lighter, allows you to be present, allows you to really connect to yourself, and it’s beautiful. It’s a beautiful change when you see someone before going through this self-knowledge, going through this awareness, and being able to clear up all that luggage to who they become after the process. It’s amazing. It’s really incredible.
Odiva Vasell: (12:13)
And I like, I love the first step that you said was awareness, and this is part of my mission—to bring some more awareness about this. And that is something that we all can do as a first step. It’s just being aware that there are alternatives, there are options, there’s better ways to live. And unfortunately, many of us and society kind of help promote the suppression of negative emotions, suppression of bad feelings, packing it away and storing it in a box somewhere so that you don’t even realize what’s locked in your body. You said this is the 90%, so 90% of what is happening to you needs to be, as you said, cleared and released, but the first step is awareness that it’s there.
Berenice Brito: (13:14)
It’s awareness, and that’s why I love what you’re doing, and that’s why I’m here with you. Because I think that a big part is just creating the awareness around it. Even if you’re not working with someone to go through techniques, which there are many different types of techniques out there to help you to connect more to yourself, to learn to be more present, to change your mindset and all that, but just by listening to people explain, to bring things to light, and you go, like, a light bulb goes off in your head and you’re like, “Yes, that’s what I feel.” And then you start getting little tips here and there, and you start moving forward and changing. And every time that you feel the little changes within you, that gives you more power to keep going ahead and keep making the changes, because your life is getting better and you’re enjoying more and you’re getting more of what you want, and that is just amazing. So awareness is essential. It really is.
Odiva Vasell: (14:25)
And I’ve been becoming more and more aware about the health benefits of your sensuality and better sex, and a lot of people start this journey of awareness because they want better sex. However, there’s so much more to it than just the sexual act as we know it. And I want you to talk a little bit more about how productive we can be. I’ve heard people in the industry of sexuality saying that when you’re in that enlightened state and so connected to your body, your work is better, your life is better, everything around you gets better.
Breaking Free from Taboos and Traumas
Berenice Brito: (15:13)
Everything changes, and the sexual energy is life force energy. That’s why when you connect to that energy, when you feel your life force flooding through your veins, you have so much more energy. You have so much disposition to do things, and that’s why it’s so amazing and it’s so freeing. Because by embodying that sexual energy, by embodying your sensuality, and by getting over all the taboos that are placed on us as women that relate to sexuality, by releasing all the traumas that we have attached to it—and when I mean trauma, I don’t mean being sexually abused or having anything that is considered by the majority of the population as a trauma. But there are studies that say that between 60 to 70% of women from 16 to 25 years old have had sexual traumas. That’s including having sex at a time that you don’t want to, but you’re just doing it because your partner wants to. You’re not really into it, you’re feeling forced, it’s an obligation. That might cause a trauma. It might cause a trauma in me but not cause it in you because traumas are very personal. They depend on you and how they affect you, because it’s not just the event and just your response to it, but it’s the outcome, it’s what it causes you to feel in the long run. And many times, when we don’t look into it, we are not even aware that it is there. We are not even aware that it is really impacting us and dragging us down, and that’s why awareness is so amazing. Because when you start to connect, when you start to understand, when you start to expand, you have a different perspective on life. It does help with every other area. The way you do one thing is the way that you do everything, and when you learn to be present, that is a total life changer. Because we have been programmed, we have been conditioned to go, go, go, to fight for what we want. We have been conditioned to lean a lot into masculine energy and to put our feminine energy, which is being emotional—that’s feminine, it’s a part of the feminine self—we are filled with emotions. But we are told that you cannot be filled with emotion, you cannot be emotional, you cannot act certain ways, you cannot talk certain ways, you’ve got to show up in a certain way, and all that is programmed into us. We are trying to fit the mold, and a lot of times we let go and we move away from who we truly are just so we can live, just so we can do the work, just so we can be functioning members of society as they say that we should, right? But in reality, you’re a much better functioning part of society when you are in contact with yourself, when you’re true to yourself, when you love your life, when you do things out of pleasure instead of obligation. And you can change all that, you can really change your mindset, and it starts with awareness. So if you guys want, I have a very simple tip that does help a lot just to start connecting with yourself on a day-to-day basis. Because none of us were born knowing how to do life a certain way, right? We all learn to do things, so we can always learn, we can always grow. Our brains are incredible machines that have neuroplasticity and can transform and adapt and change. And I’ve always been in love with that. I’ve been a nurse for 10 years, my specialty was neuro ICU, and I think that the brain is one of the most amazing parts of our body. So my work is very connected, it’s connecting mind, body, heart, and soul—the four aspects that make us.
Odiva Vasell: (20:30)
Mind, body, heart, and soul. And I want to reiterate some of the things that you said, especially for fempreneurs and entrepreneurs that are out there in the business world. We have been told that, we’ve been conditioned to say emotions are a bad thing. You know, hold back those emotions, control those emotions. As you said, lean into the masculine energy and just, you know, fit the mold that society wants you to fit, especially if you’re going to be successful in your business. And now what you’re giving us an awareness of is that there are different ways of doing things. We need, of course, the feminine and the masculine energy, but we need also acceptance of these energies and letting them flow through us so it helps the creative process of your business and every other factor of your life, your connections with other people. That’s fantastic, and I want to welcome you. You said you have a tip for us. Please, it’s open.
Berenice Brito: (21:43)
So it’s a simple process. It just helps you to understand who you are, how your thoughts work, how you feel when you’re just by yourself. So this is simple: put an alarm clock every day for the same time and for 10 minutes, just sit with yourself. You can lay down, you can be sitting down, you can be in however a position is comfortable for you. The important thing is for you to not be doing anything else, just being aware of what is coming up in your mind. You just stay in that moment, and a lot of people are going to struggle with that because it is not easy to be in silence and in quiet just with yourself. But if you do it daily, you get a different sense for who you truly are, and you start understanding how your thoughts come up and how they make you feel because you’re just there in that space focusing on yourself. And after you’re done with the determined amount of minutes, you journal so you can make sense of everything that came up. Not necessarily make sense of each thought and where they’re going, but just understand how your mind works when you’re not trying to control it. So you can start with five minutes a day, and when that is feeling good for you, you can increase to 10. And you can slowly increase it. If you get to 15 minutes a day, that is amazing. But every little bit that you do, it already impacts you in a big way because there’s nothing more amazing than being authentic, than being your true self. So even though we have been conditioned and trained and told that we are supposed to hustle, we are supposed to have the masculine energy in business, we are supposed to fit some molds, there is nothing that is more attractive than being who you truly are, showing up for your client authentically, really speaking your mind and connecting to people at a higher level. And when you can connect to yourself at a higher level, you connect to others at that level as well. So for female entrepreneurs, it’s amazing to go through this and to know who they are so they can really have businesses that are authentic with themselves. Because our businesses are not our lives, right? Our lives are more than our businesses. Our businesses should be a part of who we are and not the other way around. Life is all about balance. I’m very big in the duality of the world—light and shadow, health and illness, and also female/feminine energy and masculine energy. And they are all dualities, they are all polarities, they are all opposites. You shouldn’t be on one extreme; you should be able to flow and flux between those. And that’s what creates balance in your life, that’s what helps you to have peace, that’s what helps you to be grateful and gracious with yourself and with others. And when you start balancing more and being more authentic, life is completely different, and it’s an amazing change.
Odiva Vasell: (26:17)
Wow, and this information and you have such great energy. I have to just acknowledge your energy and what you’re bringing forward. This information is critical, I believe, for everyone, not just women. This also applies to men, and I know that it’s not acknowledged as much, but men can experience trauma in those younger years. Our society tells them that’s the way it is, you’re supposed to like what happened to you because you’re a man. That takes away so many options, and then trauma gets passed on from generation to generation. Women and how they feel about their bodies and how their bodies look can be a trauma. Trying to get through that to a place where you are free to express your own sexual energy—that’s tough, especially when everyone is telling you you’re not lovable if you look this way. And unfortunately, even the people who are supposed to have perfect bodies don’t have the mindset to love what they’ve been given. It’s tragic.
Berenice Brito: (27:47)
It is. I completely understand what you’re saying, and it is very difficult because, like I was saying before, trauma is personal. Something that traumatizes me is not the same thing that traumatizes you, so taking trauma lightly is not fair to anybody because it doesn’t help. We are all different people; two people never think exactly the same. That’s why a lot of relationships have problems, right? I work a lot with relationships as well because men and women are different. Our constitutions are different, the way our minds work is different, the way we feel things is different. And a lot of times men have trouble communicating because they have been taught, like you said, to keep it in, to take it because they’re men. Can we judge them for not being able to speak now when they are grown up, since they were taught that they couldn’t do that, which means that they never learned? A lot of times, it’s not their choice to stay quiet; it’s just the only way that they know how to deal with it. But once again, we can always learn, we can always change, we can always improve. So relationships are huge on the quality of the communication that you have. That’s what allows you to have a soul connection with someone, to really look in their eyes and know that they are the perfect person for you. Granted, I do not believe in perfection, as I don’t think that we can really achieve perfection. But what we can achieve is what is perfect for us, right? What matches with us, what speaks to us, what makes us happy. And when you can have good quality communication between partners, that allows the relationship to be at a completely new stage.
Oh my God, I have so much stuff that I can say, and my head is just like bubbling with things. But if we go back to the mindset that we’re talking about, I’m an example of how, when you take your mind, your heart, and your spirit (soul energy, however you want to call that part), when those three parts are aligned, you can transform your physical reality. You can transform how you do relationships, you can transform how you work, you can transform how your body looks. I lost 50 pounds in a year without crazy exercising. I did exercise for about six months, but then I ran out of time, I wasn’t prioritizing it, but I still lost another 30 pounds without working out. I never dieted, I did a re-education, and I found what works for me. I do a lot of fasting because for my body that works very well. So today I only had water so far, but it works for me. That doesn’t mean that’s going to work for you. So that’s why, when you’re doing any re-education, it has to be something personal. Those works are more wholesome when they are made specifically for you.
So I lost 50 pounds basically because of a mindset shift, basically because I was being more aware of me, of my body, of how my body reacted to the foods that I ate. I still drink soda, I still eat chocolate candy. I’ve always liked that, and I never wanted to give it up, and I didn’t have to. I just balanced it out in a way that doesn’t affect my body negatively, and I have kept the weight off for the last two years. Besides that, I divorced three years ago. I was very disappointed. I was in a relationship that was not fulfilling at all. It was a relationship that was taking away from me instead of adding, and I ended up breaking up with my husband. We were together for 14 years and we had a son, but I realized that I would never be happy with him because we had grown apart and our relationship got into very bad terms, like it does for many people who get divorced. By doing this kind of work that I’m talking about, I was able to change myself, change the way I dealt with him, because I cannot expect him to change. What I can change is me, right? So I changed the way I approached him, I changed the way I showed up, and I was able to be there for him when he needed me. Now we are friends, and he is actually moving to the town that I moved to so we can raise our son together but separately, because we got to a point that we are on great terms.
How many people want that? How many people, no matter how much work they do and how much they try, every time they see their ex, it drains their life out of them? It just puts you in that bad place, and no matter that you try the whole day to be happy and to be grateful, you talk to that person and it’s like, “I’m sucked dry, I have nothing left to give after dealing with that.” And a lot of us go through that. Just by doing that work, by understanding that you can change the way that you perceive yourself and the way you perceive other people in your life, a whole new gamut of possibilities shows up. You start creating the life that you want instead of just going with life and dealing with things as they come. When you’re there, you don’t really feel chaos overwhelming you, you don’t feel like you have no control. As long as you try to control… Sorry, as long as you see yourself as a determined thing that determines you, that controls you, when you can take yourself out and see it from a bird’s eye view, you actually start controlling it, and it’s amazing. You’re in charge.
Odiva Vasell: (35:42)
Okay, stepping out of the mess of the situation and these feelings that you’ve created towards another person, and just being able to look at it from a bird’s eye view. And you gave us baby steps. I love baby steps on how to do that—spending that five minutes, and that does not take a lot. Everyone can do that—spending that five minutes with yourself, seeing how you think. Maybe you find yourself suppressing a lot of the things that you are saying to yourself, but just giving yourself that little tiny bit of me time. That’s the crucial part, “me time,” and just listening to yourself for five minutes. Anyone can do that. That is an amazing tip, and congratulations on what you’ve managed to accomplish with your physical body and also in your relationship by starting on this first step. It’s all connected to our body and our awareness of self and sensuality. I want to ask you about something I’m very curious about: physical touch. How can we incorporate that into our self-care regime? And I don’t mean the immediate thing that everybody thinks of—orgasms and masturbation. I mean just physical touch as part of me time. How do we get there?
Embracing Sensuality for Self-Discovery
Berenice Brito: (37:37)
I love telling my clients that when you’re doing “me time,” if you’re a woman, that includes connecting to your feminine energy. Connecting to your feminine energy can be as simple as any kind of touch. Touching yourself brings you back to your body and allows that femininity to express itself more. Dancing, even if it’s just for five minutes, to a song in your kitchen, feeling that, and letting yourself be taken by that experience—that is a self-care practice. That is watching out for yourself, and it’s something that many of us don’t do because we are doing so much for everybody else that we’re always leaving ourselves behind. It’s very hard to keep everybody’s cup full if yours keeps getting empty. When you know how to keep your cup constantly being filled and you give from the overflow of that, you are never drained, you are never empty, you never feel used, you never feel taken advantage of because things are more your conscious choice. We all have the capacity to do that and to learn how to do that and learn what works for us.
Exploration—exploration of your own body. How many of us have never actually looked down there to see how we actually are? Women have a lot of taboos, not just external taboos, not just what other people think, but also about what we ourselves think about our bodies, about our femininity, about our sexuality. I’m all about women’s health. I’m all about making women successful, allowing them to enjoy life the most. I know that back in the day, I couldn’t really feel pleasure. Yes, I would have orgasms if a ton of little things fell into place—it was the perfect moment, the perfect situation, perfect. But it had to fit within certain constraints for me to be able to really get there. I think I had one partner before I got into this journey that had helped me to actually orgasm.
After I went into my journey, I realized that it is not up to my partner; it is on me. Now, I can have multiple orgasms, and you are going to believe that I’m lying, but many times I lose count. When it’s closer to 10, it’s hard to count, but I’ve had sessions with 30 or 40 orgasms. First of all, there are different types of orgasms, right? We have vaginal orgasms, we have clitoral orgasms, which is what most of us know about, and we also have squirting. These are three different aspects of your body showing you that you’re feeling the pleasure, that the pleasure is yours, and that you’re able to experience that. It’s amazing because women tend to not explore our capacity to be multi-orgasmic. Men don’t have that; it’s very unusual for a man to be able to go more than once in a day after they ejaculate. Some can, others not so much, because it does take a lot out of them. For men, the orgasm is an end; for women, it doesn’t have to be.
Odiva Vasell: (42:17)
Wow.
Berenice Brito: (42:18)
It’s just a part of the process, and you can have multiple and enjoy yourself for hours. It all depends on how much your body can take, how much you are in the moment, and how much your partner or even yourself—because you can have multiple orgasms by yourself as well. You don’t need to have another person with you for you to feel your sexuality, for you to enjoy yourself sexually. Sexual pleasure is so incredible because it allows us to understand and perceive what pleasure is. If I say, “Do you feel pleasure being in nature?” you might say, “Yeah, I do, it’s nice walking around.” No, I’m asking, when you pick up a flower, when you pick up a rose and bring it to your nose and smell it, does that sensation flood your body? Do you feel goosebumps? Does it excite every little part of you? That is true pleasure; that is really experiencing it. Now, it’s much easier to experience the other side, the negative side. A lot of times, it’s easier for us to…
Odiva Vasell: (43:59)
Okay, yes, yes. But first, I’d like to just take a breath into the revelation that has come upon me. I was listening to studies that said that 90% of men have orgasms during sex, and it’s about 50% or less for women. And I thought, “Oh wow, that’s kind of disheartening.” But now you’ve just opened the doorway to multiple orgasms. We have the possibility to have multiple orgasms and ongoing pleasure throughout the day. That is something that I just want to take a breath into and let us ladies be like, “Yay for us.”
Berenice Brito: (44:53)
That is a superpower, it really is, because we are made up of emotions. We have this ability to really feel emotions, to really express, to let emotions flood through us. But a lot of times we get more attached to and feel more of the negative emotions. So, when you flip that and start really embracing the positive emotions, life starts showing up in a different way for you, and it’s spectacular. It really is a big life changer, and that’s why I think sensuality and sexuality is a great portal for you to start experiencing “the experience.”
Odiva Vasell: (45:48)
Experiencing the experience. We will come back another time and do the exercise.
Berenice Brito: (45:56)
Of course.
Odiva Vasell: (45:58)
I wanted to just take that step of absorbing the information that you’ve enlightened us on today—experiencing the experience. A lot of us who are in the coaching industry are aware of how important that is but may not be aware of how we can do that through our sensuality, through our bodies. I’ll say it again: multiple orgasmic days, bringing us joy and using that energy to make better relationships, better connections, and better our business goals. Thank you.
Berenice Brito: (46:42)
If I can add to that…
Odiva Vasell: (46:42)
Yes, yes.
Berenice Brito: (46:43)
It even helps you on your path of what I call enlightenment. People call it different things, right? But when you are having orgasmic bliss, when you’re in that state, you expand so much that you open your connection to your higher self, to your Source wide open, and you can feel things. Sometimes I feel like I’m floating, I feel like I am moving into the cosmos. For someone who thought that multiple orgasms were a lie—I really did, I thought it was…
Odiva Vasell: (47:37)
I thought it was only for pigs.
Berenice Brito: (47:41)
I was like, no, women can’t…
Odiva Vasell: (47:44)
Not humans.
Berenice Brito: (47:47)
It’s just that most of us haven’t explored our life force that way. Look at that: sexual energy equals life force. One thing that I think is very important and I always bring to awareness is the difference between female sexuality and male sexuality. When was the last time you saw a commercial or a propaganda about male erectile dysfunction, male sexual dysfunction? When was the last time you heard something about female sexual dysfunction? It is not spoken about, and that’s why I do what I do. I want to bring it to light. I want to help women feel better. I want to help women live in bliss, and that is possible. We can start that by connecting to ourselves through our sexuality, our sensuality, and experiencing pleasure to the max.
Odiva Vasell: (49:03)
Yay, thank you, thank you, Berenice.
Berenice Brito: (49:11)
My pleasure.
[Music]
Conclusion
In wrapping up, remember that sensuality is more than just the sexy stuff—it’s about knowing yourself deeply, healing past hurts, and finding joy in life. Take a moment each day to be with yourself, listen to your thoughts, feel your emotions, and embrace your body. And don’t forget to dance a little! Moving your body can connect you with your feminine side and make you feel alive. Lastly, explore your sensuality beyond sex; find pleasure in all aspects of life. Embrace your sensuality, and watch your world transform beautifully.