An Interview with Marlene Greenleaf
In this episode, we will uncover 3 keys to:
- Self-discovery and empowerment for a fulfilling life.
- Escaping toxic relationships in personal and corporate settings.
- Transitioning to entrepreneurship with a focus on goal-setting and personal growth.
Podcast Transcription
Episode 4: Marleen Greenleaf Empowerment & Self Leadership Coach of “Live in your Power!”
Intro
Odiva Vasell: (00:01)
Are you stuck in a toxic relationship with yourself? My next guest, Marlene Greenleaf, will tell us how to escape that people-pleasing mode and really get grounded in the unique and beautiful person that you truly are.
Welcome, my fabulous fempreneurs! Today, I have a special treat for you. I am here with Miss Marlene Greenleaf, who is a life coach and empowerment coach, especially for those who are in toxic work situations and/or relationships, coaching people to get their voice back when they have been silenced for so long. Welcome, Marlene.
Marlene Greenleaf: (00:57)
Thank you so much. Thank you. I appreciate it.
Odiva Vasell: (01:01)
Yes, it’s a pleasure to have you here. Tell me how you got started in this coaching business. What prompted you to reach out to people in toxic relationships?
Self-discovery and empowerment for a fulfilling life.
Marlene Greenleaf: (01:15)
Well, you know, it’s part of my own personal, um, story. Because, you know, that’s my story in a nutshell. I have been in the corporate industry since I was 17, 18, and, you know, I worked hard like everyone else. And I just didn’t feel like I was getting my proper dues, my accolades so to speak, and I knew that my work was good, the things that I’m doing, I bring value to my organization. But I never had the opportunity, or no one, especially my leadership, gave me the opportunity to advance. I had to do it myself, and even though I did it myself, no one acknowledged it, no one said, “Hey, this is awesome what you’re doing, I want to promote you to this position.” I had to move on from these positions to find others, and, you know, I just kept finding myself in this situation. I said, “I know I’m good at what I do, I bring value to people’s organizations, but why is no one appreciating what I bring?” Now, I do get people saying, “Hey, yes, you know what you’re doing is great, thank you.” But that was, in this, “Can you do this, and can you do that?”
So, you know, eventually, I didn’t have a voice, and this was in my personal and also professional relationship because I had gotten to the point where I just wanted to make everyone happy, wanted to please everyone. “What do you need? What can I do for you? What, what, what, what?” And I did it to the point where, like I said, I had no voice. At one point, I had to sit and think, and I said, “Well, what do I like? What do I enjoy doing?” And I had no idea. I literally sat down, and I thought about this for hours. It’s like, “What do I want to do? What do I, what do I enjoy doing?” And every time I said that, I was thinking of something that I was doing for someone else. “Well, I like going out with my kids and hanging out with them,” but then it came back to me. It’s like, “Well, what do you enjoy about yourself? Who is Marlene Greenleaf?” And I had no answer. I had no answer. So, I literally had to do a deep dive, do some soul searching, praying. I found a life coach who worked with me, you know, and made me realize, you know, that I am Marlene Greenleaf. I am a woman of worth. I am unapologetically walking in my purpose, and in order to do this, I have to keep on this path. I have to believe in myself. I have to remove the fear of speaking up and letting people know, “Hey, I’m here in the room, and I’m qualified. I know what I’m doing, so hear me.” So, it took some doing, like I said, but this was coming from my personal story. And like, um, I mentioned before, I’ve been a coach more or less for everyone because people just would gravitate towards me and say, “Hey, I need you to help me with this. Can you, can you work me through this?” And I did it without even thinking about it. And I knew that deep inside, that this is what I really want to do because it is. It comes so easy to me because I want to help you through your situation. So, this is my story, and that’s where I’m at right now.
Odiva Vasell: (04:56)
Well, I love it when the coach has lived it. Oh, that’s crucial because you get some of these coaches, and they’re out there, and they’re telling you how you should be and how you should feel in corporate. Not everybody can relate to that lifestyle. That’s a unique experience, and losing your voice in that corporate setting because you became the people pleaser, and you kind of lost your identity. I often talk about an identity crisis. Where you are the mother, the parent, the worker, the good worker, and who is Marlene? That’s an appropriate question.
Marleen Greenleaf: (05:43)
Exactly, and it got to the point that I, I, I’m serious, where my kids had to tell me that. It’s like people were referred to me as, “Oh, you mean um, Christopher’s mom,” “Oh, Crystal’s Mom,” “Oh, Mom Greenleaf’s wife,” not like, “You don’t know my name, you know who I am,” because I just got buried and taken care of everyone, that people didn’t see me. Did not see me. And this was from childhood also because even when I was growing up, my sister, we weren’t twins, people swore that we were twins, but everyone always referred to me as my sister.
Odiva Vasell: (06:30)
Oh.
Marleen Greenleaf: (06:31)
Because she was the one who was out there. I, you know, I was, as we called it, the little homebody. I like being at home. So when I would go out, they would refer to me as my sister, and I was like, “Oh, I’m not, um, that’s my sister,” and they’re looking at me like, “You have a sister? Who? Well, who are you?” So, it started from me from childhood and worked its way up to my adult age and so…
Odiva Vasell: (06:59)
That’s wow. That’s, you know, I work invisibility, but I can’t imagine, like, you were the unknown, and people just assumed you were my sister, or they didn’t even see you as a sister, not even as a separate entity. How, um, so you had to, after many years of that struggle, validate your own self.
Marleen Greenleaf: (07:34)
Yes, I had to let people realize, you know, that I am here, that what I’m pouring into you, this is coming from Marlene, an individual. This is not me being the parent of, or me being the friend of, this is Marlene Greenleaf, and this is how we, as women, we need to find our voices, speak up for our identity because it gets lost in all of the things that we’re doing for everyone else, and we don’t realize it. And sometimes it gets to the point, you know, where you’re depressed and you don’t know what’s going on, but that’s because you’ve lost your voice.
Odiva Vasell: (08:16)
Yeah.
Escaping toxic relationships in personal and corporate settings.
Marleen Greenleaf: (08:17)
And it’s just a simple case of you realizing that who you are. If you cannot answer that question, then we need to work on finding your voice and getting you to move from that fear, because that is what really blocks us. We’re just fearful to step out and say, “I am who I am.” So we need to move you from fear so that you can live in your power. And this is what I strive for each and every day, not just for myself, but for my clients that I’m working with. It’s like we have to move you from your fear to living your power. And it’s a process, and it’s something that you have to do daily. You have to wake up each morning, and you have to validate yourself. That’s why I love affirmations. You have to affirm yourself each and every day that, “I, oh…”
Odiva Vasell: (09:11)
How do you… how does someone start on that process? And I remember doing the process of affirmations and feeling like, “Ugh, this is uncomfortable.” How do you get on that process and stay on that process of validating yourself?
The Power of Self-Validation and Affirmation
Marleen Greenleaf: (09:26)
Mm-hmm. That’s the thing. It’s like you have to get out of being in this silhouette where everyone sees you as someone else, and you don’t see yourself. And you can’t look to people for validation. You have to find it within yourself. And that’s where the affirmation comes in, because, like you, you know, I would hear people saying stuff, okay. But then when you say it to yourself, just like how my mom used to tell us that you have to look in the mirror and see your beautiful self, you really have to see your beautiful self. Don’t look at flaws. It’s like, “Oh, I got a pimple.” No, you have to see yourself, and you have to affirm yourself. Don’t wait for people to do it for you, because sometimes it will not come. Oh, and they think they’re affirming you. It is really insulting you. You have to do this on a daily basis, and there are so many words of affirmation that you can find for yourself. But you have to believe when you say it. You have to believe it, and you have to live it each and every day. This is not something that you wake up today, you do it Monday morning, and then you come back to next Monday. No, it’s a daily process. Because we as women, we have negative self-talk, where everything just comes in your mind. It’s like, instead of you making it positive, it’s like you find a negative verse, and then we dwell on the negative, and it builds and it grows. So you just don’t know how to say anything positive to yourself. Like, you wake up in the morning, and it’s like, “Yes, I am beautiful.” Then you go, “But I don’t like the stress that I have.” Oh, no, you are beautiful from your head to your toe, and whatever you have on, it radiates you. It makes you feel beautiful. And that is what we as women, we don’t feel that we are deserving of that. For some reason, we think people should say this to us. But no, you need to do it for yourself. You need to feel it for yourself. We have to affirm ourselves. And once you do that and you get that confidence, you will appreciate you. You appreciate it more when you hear it from someone else because, I mean, you’re not going to say, “Oh, I know that.” But, you know in your heart, it’s like, “Yes,” and you say, “Thank you,” and you really feel it because it makes a difference when you believe what someone says. Yeah.
Odiva Vasell: (12:10)
And I love the beauty of what you just explained of validating yourself.
Marleen Greenleaf: (12:16)
Absolutely.
Odiva Vasell: (12:17)
And I hope that people listening to this learn how to do that, and not only for themselves, but for our kids.
Marleen Greenleaf: (12:28)
Yes.
Odiva Vasell: (12:29)
This is one of the keys of being a woman. There is so much, every time I’d even turn the television on, some people say, “Oh, I don’t watch television,” but if there’s, there is so much embedded into society to be critical of ourselves.
Marleen Greenleaf: (12:46)
Absolutely.
Odiva Vasell: (12:47)
And for every inch from head to toe, everything we say, the work that we do, there are forces out there that we may not even recognize. And it took me a while, once I started to wake up, I started to see, I turn on the TV, the woman’s complaining about her weight, she’s too big, she’s too small. There’s just so much programming, every commercial, how the women have to look. There’s so much programming, not only the physical, but just mental and emotional states of women. We’re getting hammered.
Marleen Greenleaf: (13:18)
Every single day.
Odiva Vasell: (13:20)
Every day, everywhere.
Marleen Greenleaf: (13:21)
Yeah, everywhere you look, it’s something negative about the way you look because, you know, we’re not a size zero, or we don’t have, you know, we don’t have that long, beautiful, flowing hair. It’s too curly, it’s too kinky, or it’s too short, you know. You look manly. There’s always something.
Odiva Vasell: (13:45)
It’s kind of coming towards us as, “This is you’re not enough.” And I understand that in a consumerism society, it is very designed so that we’re always in a state of wanting more and never feeling confident and just be.
Marleen Greenleaf: (14:08)
Exactly, exactly. And it takes a while. It takes, it takes a while for you to get to that level of being comfortable with yourself. Because there’s nothing wrong with you looking and saying, “Okay, I need to work out some more.” But that, that is not a negative. That is something that you realize that you need to do. And now you’re like, “Okay, let me find ways, what can I do to work out so I can stay healthy or so I can get healthier? I realize that I can’t walk five steps, or I’m out of breath.” Well, I need to do something about this. But that is not a negative. That’s you looking at me getting myself healthier. It’s not a negative. You’re not looking and saying, “Oh, well, I’m a size 20, and this my friend is a size six. Oh, I just, I wish I could be a size six.” No, you’re a size 20, but you’re a beautiful size 20. Now, if you feel validated enough that you need to lose some weight and you need to work out and get yourself healthy, then do it. Don’t do it because your girlfriend is a size six. Do it because you realize that this is something that you need to do, and it’s for health. It’s a lifestyle change that you want to make, and you’re ready to make, because it’s a challenge. You know, obesity is a disease, and we’re not realizing it, because it is a disease, and it’s challenging if you want to lose weight. But there are things that you need to do, resources that you need to look into. But again, you can’t look at the negative on it. There’s nothing negative about you wanting to be healthier. Nothing, right?
Odiva Vasell: (15:56)
And of course, again, the first step is realizing who you are as an individual, and that is valid enough.
Marleen Greenleaf: (16:05)
Yes, stop comparing yourself. Stop comparing yourself to your best friend or to anyone else. You are you. You are unique. God made you just the way you are. You are unique, and you are wonderfully made, and you are blessed. And you have to realize this, and then you have to take these daily affirmations and action steps so that you can stay in that power, so you can continue to grow in that power into your beautiful self, because that is who you are. That is who you were created to be. And yes, there are negative forces around you, but you have to learn to silence those voices, silence the negative noise, and just be your own beautiful self. Just live in your power every single day you wake up, every morning, with that intention to live in your power.
Odiva Vasell: (17:03)
So, tell me about this entrepreneurial journey. What makes a successful corporate woman decide to leave all that behind and move on into entrepreneurship, which is a very journey in itself?
Transitioning to entrepreneurship with a focus on goal-setting and personal growth.
Marleen Greenleaf: (17:30)
Well, you have to realize your passion. For me, because like I said, I’ve been doing this for so many years without realizing it, and then it just hit me that this is where I need to be, this is my passion. Working with others, helping women see that where you are, that is not your final destination. And I had to realize, it’s like, what am I choosing here? Corporate world, or am I gonna just step out on faith and make this happen? And I will admit, you know, I’ve stayed in the corporate world forever because I use the coaching as my part-time job. But when you try to marry the two, it gets to a point where you have to say one has to go. And for me, my choice, I have chosen to continue to be a hundred percent coach, coachable to myself and to others. So, it’s a choice that you have to make. But again, it says you have to step out on faith. You have to believe that this is where your calling is. And then you have to work towards it. I mean, and you have to be realistic also because being an entrepreneur, as you know, it’s not an easy step. You have to put things in place. You have to have resources. You’ve got to get the finances. You’ve got to get the backing that you need. This doesn’t happen overnight.
Odiva Vasell: (18:54)
That’s right.
Entrepreneurship Requires SMART Goals and Continuous Growth
Marleen Greenleaf: (18:55)
So you have to put a plan in place. I am a big goal setter. Big on it, I mean huge. You have to set goals. And I don’t do like five-year goals. You start off with a one month, and you do three months.
Odiva Vasell: (19:10)
Oh, yes.
Marleen Greenleaf: (19:13)
Small, and you start saying, “Okay, I got this.” If it didn’t work in this first month, you put it into the three-month plan, and then you keep going at it. And once you get to that level where you need to be, and again, like I said, you cannot do this alone, so you have to be realistic. You have to set smart goals, and you have to work towards those goals. It might take, you know, some people, it might take a year to be a successful entrepreneur, some like myself, takes years. But nevertheless, it’s the path that you have chosen, and you have to stay on it, because sometimes, you know, as an entrepreneur, things don’t work out a hundred percent, especially on the financial side, and you have to take another job so you can continue doing what you’re doing. But you still use that as your number one goal, and you do what you need to do so that this is what you’re passionate about. So, it’s not easy, but once you have that passion, and you know this is where you need to be, there’s nothing that can stop you.
Odiva Vasell: (20:23)
I like to think of it as this analogy where we are getting on the boat of entrepreneurship because I see so many women entrepreneurs. They have that passion, they know they have a calling to do something, to be something else, and it’s such a brave choice because some of us, I’ve seen this, are like we have one foot on the dock and one foot on the boat, and that entrepreneurship journey is going to push you out of your comfort zone. It’s like the boat has started to float and go out into the water, and you’re still trying to keep one foot on the dock. You know what’s gonna happen because now, okay, at the beginning, for some time, you need that other job to bring in the finances if you’ve planned it correctly. But if you’re still going to try and keep equal footing in both, it’s gonna be a splash.
Marleen Greenleaf: (21:27)
Yeah, and you have, like you said, you have to make that choice. You have to make that choice, where do you want to be? Like you said, which is a really great analogy, but which side do you want to be on? You want to be over here, or you want to be in the corporate world, entrepreneur, corporate, entrepreneur, which one? Where are you better suited? And you have to make that choice. And like I said, just like in the corporate world when you stop and think about it with your job, sometimes you have to change your job. You have to move on from that, and you do the research, you know, you go out, you interview to find another job. It’s the same thing with entrepreneurship. When things are not going 100% the way you want to do it, you have to stop and think, it’s like, okay, what do I need to do so I can continue and be successful on this entrepreneur journey? So you do the research and you do the work so that you can continue on. You just can’t, it’s like you said, you just can’t keep jumping in and jumping out, jumping in and jumping out. You have to stay the course.
Odiva Vasell: (22:27)
I like that. And what you said about goal setting, having that plan in place, so that even though it doesn’t work out, you have a plan or goal, and you know which way you’re going. Because once you do jump into the entrepreneurship boat, because it’s a brave choice, once you do jump, it can be rewarding, but you’re going to have to continue to take leaps.
Marleen Greenleaf: (22:41)
Exactly.
Odiva Vasell: (22:42)
Yourself and invest in yourself and just grow as an entrepreneur and learn other things. And it takes courage.
Marleen Greenleaf: (22:52)
Yes, there’s so much out there that you can do, that you can learn as an entrepreneur. It’s like you said, you have to be coachable, you have to be teachable, you have to open yourself up to new ventures and experiences. A lot of times, you know, as an entrepreneur, you think that you know everything, well, I don’t need this, I don’t need this resource. But you have to be open-minded. It’s like, how is this going to help me grow? Is this something that I can venture in, and I can see the positive side, how it’s going to propel me in my business? So, you have to be teachable, and you have to realize, as an entrepreneur, you have to grow. You can’t stay in that one position because the world is not waiting for you. It’s constantly moving. So, you, as an entrepreneur, you have to keep yourself elevated so you’re on top of your game, so you know what’s coming next, and you can best help your clients and yourself as an entrepreneur.
Odiva Vasell: (23:57)
Tell me more about what your business does, what your coaching business does.
Marleen Greenleaf: (24:03)
Okay, well, as I had mentioned before, my goal as this coach, organizational—I believe in organizational leadership, so that’s one of the things that I’m working on my doctorate to finish my doctorate is in organizational leadership. But I believe in personal empowerment. And what I do as a personal empowerment coach, I want to guide you to empower you, especially like we said when you feel stuck or taken advantage of in your personal or professional life, but you know that you can do so much better. You’re free to speak up, and you want to move forward. You want to use your voice. You want to take action. What I do is help you take action to shift so you can show up and be more confident and to help you live your life that’s unapologetically you. And in doing so, there are tools and strategies that we use in my program to help you get from that place of living in fear to moving into your power because it’s a journey. That’s what I like to call it. It’s a journey. It’s something that we start together. It’s a collaborative effort because I’m not doing this, telling you what to do. We work together, and we define your goals. We find your values, things that make you happy. And once we find that and we define those goals, we’re looking at what makes you feel passionate. We want to clarify your values and redefine your success and actively visualize these goals. That is what we do in this program. And again, like I said, it’s a collaborative effort. It’s not something that I do where I tell you what to do. We work together to pull these things out. And once we get this, once we get this, then we put together a plan where we can develop strategies and action steps to implement and refine this process. And one thing that I know a lot of us don’t do in our coaching practice is to learn to celebrate small wins. And I love celebrating small wins because it’s not when you end the program, it’s like, “Well, great, this is what you’re doing.” No, it’s for each and every step of the week, we identify small wins, and we celebrate those small wins because this is not something, like we said, that’s going to happen overnight. It’s a process. So during this process, I want you to be open and realize that, “Hey, look, I got up this morning, and I just felt great about myself for no reason.” That’s a win right there. Let’s celebrate that win. It’s something small, and you don’t even think about it, but that’s a win. So let’s celebrate these small wins while we work up to getting you to move from your fear to living in your power.
Odiva Vasell: (27:05)
It’s beautiful, celebrating these small wins.
Marleen Greenleaf: (27:09)
We don’t think about it.
Odiva Vasell: (27:11)
Appreciation and gratitude in there.
Marleen Greenleaf: (27:14)
Absolutely.
Odiva Vasell: (27:16)
One last thing, who is Marlene Greenleaf? Tell us about the uniqueness of you.
Marleen Greenleaf: (27:25)
Wow, it is so funny. I was asked that question most recently, and for me, I am an empowered black woman. An adult, because I am older. I’m not going to say how old, just older. But I am an empowered black woman who is walking in my power. I strive each and every day to affirm myself and to live in a state of gratitude because I wake up every morning grateful to have the opportunity to be myself and to share myself with others. I’m a mother, I’m a wife, I’m a dog parent. I had my little dog; she just passed away recently. I’m not there yet, but we’re working on getting another one. And I love gardening. It is my relaxation. Now, I’m not great with plants, I have to be honest. I have tried, but I can kill a plant, Lord have mercy.
Odiva Vasell: (28:38)
I can relate.
Marleen Greenleaf: (28:40)
I can kill a plant. But when the weather changes, I get out there in my garden, and I just… Actually, today, I was looking at all the seeds I have, and I’m just putting them in. We’re going to do the basics: tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers. I’m putting them out, and I just get excited about gardening. I absolutely love it. That is what calms me. It brings me into contact with nature, and I’m out there, and then you see it from that seed where it grows and bears fruit, and it’s like, “I had something to do with that. Oh my God, look at that.” And you can actually use it. So, it is one of the things that I truly enjoy is gardening. It brings me joy.
Odiva Vasell: (29:39)
Absolutely, so grounded with the ground and nature.
Marleen Greenleaf: (29:45)
I don’t like walking barefooted in the grass. I’m not that person. I don’t.
Odiva Vasell: (29:50)
I am.
Marleen Greenleaf: (29:52)
I like getting in the dirt. I know it’s weird. I’ve got to have… I don’t like my feet touching the ground, but I love getting my hands dirty in the garden. So that is just me in a nutshell. And I am a consummate learner. There’s always something I know that I want to learn. So it’s not something that I’ll ever stop. I always want to be able to learn something. So that’s another thing about me also.
Odiva Vasell: (30:20)
That’s beautiful, and I hope that our listeners today will be able to answer for themselves, “Who are you?” That’s the first step.
Marleen Greenleaf: (30:30)
Absolutely.
Odiva Vasell: (30:31)
“Who are you?” And if your answer is, “I’m taking care of this person” or “I’m from this person” or “I’m from this job,” keep asking the question. It will come. It doesn’t happen overnight. And if you’re in a toxic situation, feeling undervalued and not having the voice that you were born with, Marlene Greenleaf is here to help you. And I just want to thank you for joining us today, Marlene.
Marleen Greenleaf: (31:03)
It was a pleasure. Thank you so much for having me. I truly enjoyed our conversation. Thank you.
Odiva Vasell: (31:11)
You’re very welcome.
[music]
Conclusion
In a world of external pressures, Marlene Greenleaf’s journey from toxic relationships to entrepreneurship shines as an inspiring example. Her story reminds us to recognize our worth, find our voices, set meaningful goals, and embrace personal growth. As we conclude, remember that your journey toward self-empowerment is unique and valuable. Marlene’s story is a beacon of hope and inspiration on the path to authenticity and fulfillment.